Very Low....
in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto, amen
this is as low as it can get with my job. the CEO is going bonkers because of the speed (or lackof) that we are executing his plans that he is ranting and raving every single day.
pogo has advised me to remain calm in the face of adversity and to detach myself from all the drama and treat it like a sitcom. so i hv been doing that but the pressure has been unrelenting and the f!#$ have been growing.... to the extent that there were many times when i felt like telling the CEO to shove this job where the sun don't shine and walk...
i hv never lost my head at home as i always believe that what happens in the office STAYS in the office as it is not fair on elise and eliza to come home with a bad mood or sullen look.
this evening was particularly bad as i came home late (again!) from work and after rushing through dinner at my in-laws, we scooted off and as i was driving, i suddenly told mommy i'd had enough of the bullshit and dont know how i can tahan any more...
mommy was silent throughout (bless her!) and she just listened as i went ballistic - funny thing was elise and eliza were very quiet on the journer home.... it was as if they understood the stress and pressure daddy was going through that they didn't fight/scream in the car.
we reached home and i was still feeling pissed when elize decided to pick up this toy that resembled a check-out counter - so it came with numeric pad plus a microphone - and she started yelling into the microphone.
i asked eliza to stop but she continued to yell and at that instant, i almost wanted to whack her and throw the toy against the wall .... but thank God mommy was there and she gave me a look at my temper dissipated. feelings of anger and frustration were replaced by guilt and remorse over what-might-have-been!
i became withdrawn after that for the rest of the evening and after kissing elise and eliza and putting them to bed... i went off and said my prayers. this was when i felt so bad and low as i felt so guilty of what i almost did and would NEVER forgive myself for spanking eliza or elise for anything other than to discipline them.
i dont think i will be able to sleep tonite .... sigh...
in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto, amen
this is as low as it can get with my job. the CEO is going bonkers because of the speed (or lackof) that we are executing his plans that he is ranting and raving every single day.
pogo has advised me to remain calm in the face of adversity and to detach myself from all the drama and treat it like a sitcom. so i hv been doing that but the pressure has been unrelenting and the f!#$ have been growing.... to the extent that there were many times when i felt like telling the CEO to shove this job where the sun don't shine and walk...
i hv never lost my head at home as i always believe that what happens in the office STAYS in the office as it is not fair on elise and eliza to come home with a bad mood or sullen look.
this evening was particularly bad as i came home late (again!) from work and after rushing through dinner at my in-laws, we scooted off and as i was driving, i suddenly told mommy i'd had enough of the bullshit and dont know how i can tahan any more...
mommy was silent throughout (bless her!) and she just listened as i went ballistic - funny thing was elise and eliza were very quiet on the journer home.... it was as if they understood the stress and pressure daddy was going through that they didn't fight/scream in the car.
we reached home and i was still feeling pissed when elize decided to pick up this toy that resembled a check-out counter - so it came with numeric pad plus a microphone - and she started yelling into the microphone.
i asked eliza to stop but she continued to yell and at that instant, i almost wanted to whack her and throw the toy against the wall .... but thank God mommy was there and she gave me a look at my temper dissipated. feelings of anger and frustration were replaced by guilt and remorse over what-might-have-been!
i became withdrawn after that for the rest of the evening and after kissing elise and eliza and putting them to bed... i went off and said my prayers. this was when i felt so bad and low as i felt so guilty of what i almost did and would NEVER forgive myself for spanking eliza or elise for anything other than to discipline them.
i dont think i will be able to sleep tonite .... sigh...
in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto, amen
posted by ernie | 12:53 AM
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