Family Pic

in nomine patri; et filii; et spiritui sancto amen

found this pic.... wish i cld grab tigger's bollocks and thus i can claim to have "held a tiger by his balls"! hehehe

a lot of friends say i resemble Bono of U2.... you think?!

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day

in nomine patri; et filii; et spiritui sancto amen

Passed Swimming Test! Hallelujah!

in nomine patri; et filii; et spiritui sancto amen

today's elise swim test and mummy cldnt bring her as she has a trial coming up and hv been very busy at work preparing for this.

her test was slated to start at 6.30pm but we had to be there at 6pm so i left the office early and rushed down to pick her up from the in-laws. whilst in the car, i tried giving her a pep talk and told her to say the Ave Maria prayer but she said she's cool abt the test and i replied "ok..sure no problem!"

we reached hougang swimming pool and there were already a batch of boys and girls that were in the midst of taking their test and elise and i sat by the pool and i said to her..."observe...this is what the test is about". i saw a swim coach arrive and rounded his students to rouse them and encourage them and i called up elise's coach to ask where he was - thinking he was somewhere in the complex - but he said he will not be attending as he is not the one conducting the test. i hinted that there was another swim coach around doing last minute revisions with his students but he said he will not be coming...and anyway, elise has another classmate - cheryl - that is taking the test and i shld look for her. the fookin arse!

elise asked me where is the coach and i told her he will not be coming and she started getting upset and i told her that "look, there are many tests in life and this is one of the test that you will have to face....so no point getting upset or crying. just do your best and daddy will still love you. i will support you all the way during the test."

we next looked for cheryl and i guess that's when i realised that facing an obstacle became much easier if you have a friend with you as elise's face lit up when she saw cheryl. now cheryl is elise's age but she is so petite that maybe eliza is as tall as her! i went to register with the tester and elise was number "15" while cheryl was number "16" on the list. so they put on the numbered swim caps and listened to the tester's instructions before they went off to commence the test.

listening to yada yada!

the first was the tuck jump into the pool and a 50m swim in your pyjamas. there were many boys and girls of different ages doing the test , with and elise and cheryl being among the youngest and smallest in age and stature - so they were one of the last few to finish.

it was beginning to drizzle and yet there were many parents who were pacing the length of the pool encouraging their children.

next on the criteria is to do a "drown-proof" drill for 1 minute followed by making a float with your pyjamas. i hv to admit i got a wee bit anxious as i saw elise's head bobbing up and down as she undid her pyjamas and then tried to tie a knot on each end of the pants. she succeeded in doing so and she then started to blow into each leg of the pant to inflate it but only one side inflated and she tried desperately to inflate the other. the tester was calling out "number 2 ok"; "number 12 ok"; "number 8 ok" and i felt like telling him "number 15 ok already" but i knew she was not. everyone swam to one end of the pool while elise and cheryl were still doing the float and the tester then threw another pants to her and told her to inflate it and then i realised there was a freaking hole in her pants and that was why the darn thing was not inflating. by this time i knew she was exhausted and altho her float was not really up to the mark, the tester was kind enough to let her go and she swam to the the end where the rest of the students were.

number 15 doing the "drown test"...in front of her is cheryl!

treading water

my dear number 15!

by this time, it started to pour and a few of the parents decided to seek shelter but i stayed on as i promised elise i wld be there for her.

the final leg of the test was the 400m swim plus a dive through a hoop. the tester conducted a final briefing and then told everyone to get ready.

elise looked at me with fear in her eyes and i told her to just go, dive and swim through the hoop and then its onto the 400m. she jumped in with cheryl and as she approached the hoop, she stopped again and looked and me and i shouted "you can do it...just go down and through!" and she dived down and swam right through. i looked up to the heavens and muttered a quick thank you and she off she went.

the rain was coming down heavily and people were scampering for shelter... but i was determined to stick through elise while she made her laps... together with cheryl's parents, who's mother was 7 months pregnant and had a towel over her head and her father who was also minding her brother who was swimming at the other side of the pool.

when elise hit 2 laps, a boy touched the end of the pool as well and put up 4 fingers - signalling he had done four laps - and i was like...mama mia!

by the time she finished the 4th lap, there were boys and girls that have already finished. i paced up and down encouraging her and each time she reach the end of a lap, i would be there smiling and giving her a thumbs up and she would hit the next lap.

5th....6th....7th...by which the pool is already empty as everyone has finished and certified passed by the tester, and there were not many people swimming as it was raining quite heavily.

when she was on the last lap, i was already drenched but somehow, a thought came over me - hey, this is what fatherhood is all about...being there for your kid when they are going through a test, and i pray that i will be there for elise and eliza when they need me to be there when they go through another test - the test of LIFE.

the last lap!

i can only say that when she finished, there was a tremendous welling of pride within me for my daughter that has fought and endured through the 8 laps and at the end of each lap, she gave me a smile. that was priceless!

the tester smiled and gave her a thumbs up and elise, instead of going for shelter with me, headed towards cheryl that was still on her last lap, shouting encouragement at her. cheryl's mom; dad and maid shook elise's hand, congratulating her and i waited for cheryl to finish as well. somehow, when cheryl finished, i was beaming with pride as well and gave her a thumbs up and shook her hands while her daddy and mummy kissed her.

elise and i made our way back to the in-laws and i told elise: "this is the 1st of many tests to come and always remember....offer what you do to God and do your best"

as usual, when we reached the in-laws, she ran along the corridor screaming: "ah ma! i passed, i passed my swimming test"

for once i did not tell her not to scream....she deserved to let everyone at hougang ave 3 know she had passed!

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

National Day 2006

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

Dear Singapore

You were a kampung at Jalan Hwi Yoh when I was a small boy. Everything was communal and everyone was everyone's neighbour. I did not understand what race was.

You were the reason I saw Minister Mentor (Prime Minister then) Lee Kuan Yew at an election rally at Braddel Heights CC in 1976. As he walked past, a small boy yelled out to him and he walked over to him and he sheepishly extended his left hand. MM Lee laughed, withdrew his right hand and shook hands with him. I was that small boy.

These leaders are people whom I respected for turning Singapore into what it is - from yarns spun by my grandmother and mother, where these leaders stood out and fought for the common people.

You gave me my school and the teachers that taught me values that I still abide by. With it also come friends and foes that helped shape me and my life.

You made me do National Service. While there, You betrothed a "wife" to me - that I neither asked nor wanted. I thought I would not survive the training that I had to endure because of You but I did and is now an NSman. I detest NS Training (still) but I go anyway because of You. Even though I do not put up the Flag outside my HDB flat when Your birthday is around the corner, that doesnt mean I dont love You and the Flag.

You involved me in the National Day parade in 1991 at the National Stadium. My then-girlfriend broke up with me because I could not spend time with her as I was at the countless rehearsals every weekend to make sure everything was right for Your birthday. Looking back,there is nothing like the sight of 60,000 Singaporeans decked in red and white and waving the Flag for you. I am privileged to be a part of that.

This is what You mean to me.....the memories of my life, friends and family.

Alas, Your face is changing - the old guards that have made You into a beautiful place are slowly leaving us - Hon Sui Sen; David Marshall; Devan Nair; S Rajaratnam; Lim Kim San.... the only ones left are Toh Chin Chye; Goh Keng Swee and of course Lee Kuan Yew. Back then these leaders stood out to fight for the common people and led us through turbulent times.

Now, the Singapore I know is full of self and lacks any soul. Where the current leaders have a total disconnect with the people and policies are made where the rich grow richer and poor becomes poorer. Where our leaders worship the Golden Calf.

As David Marshall succinctly puts it:

"I never earned $60,000 a month or $90,000 a month. When I was Chief Minister, I earned $8,000 a month. Look, what is happening today is we are encouraged to and are becoming worshippers of the Golden Calf.

We have lost sight of the joy and excitement of public service, helping our fellow men. The joy and excitement of seeking and understanding of the joy of the miracle of the living the duty and the grandeur. We have lost taste for heroic action in the service of our people.

We have become good bourgeois seeking comfort, security. It’s like seeking a crystal coffin and being fed by intravenous injections through pipes in the crystal coffin; crystal coffins stuck with certificates of your pragmatic abilities.

What has changed?"

Click here for the full interview with this great man!

I had a conversation with a Serb; Indonesian; Vietnamese; Chinese and fellow Singaporeans - and we being males, I asked if they would stay and fight for their country and almost everyone of us had the same conclusion:
We would stay and fight so long as we have our families here - once they are no longer around, we would get out.

So lies the conundrum of roots - how deep our roots are in our country. And sad to say, with every policy; every price hike; every clampdown on "dissenting" views....You dear Singapore are losing more and more of Your children.

Let's see if the foreign talent will be here to stay and fight when the shit hits the fan!

I tell my friends to always remember:
The PAP is NOT You and You are NOT the PAP!

My family and I are planning to leave You ... to seek opportunities overseas. As Mr Ngiam Tong Dow said in his book "A Mandarin and the Making of Public Policy" - to paraphrase " we can do business or make our money overseas but will we come back and bring up our family here....that is the important question".

Will I come back to You so that Elise and Eliza will have the same memories of You? Or will You be a holiday destination?

Only time will tell.....

Majulah Singapura!

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

Its Been A While!

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

its BEEN a while since me last post.... that's an understatement! lots have happened since.

chief amongst which is that YES! i am no longer with THAT company! yippee doodah yippidee yeah...me last day was 14 April but unofficially, i left in mid-March thanks to the leave accumulated. i had to keep my word the MD tho' who spoke to me on behalf of the ceo as they were going through a crucial period in fundraising and didnt want my departure to affect the efforts so i said ok.

so when new funds were injected finally, i had an "honorable" mention from the ceo to all the staff abt me wanting to be me own boss etc etc ....all the blah x 3 and yada x 3...and that is why i walked. who give's a rat's ass to this "glorious" testimonial? its only meant to be a piece in his political game...but for me...call me william wallace as i yell....FRRRREEEEDDDOOOOM!

one thing i missed tho' is my staff and colleagues, whom i love dearly, and whom i still keep in touch and have kopi with them...with the occasional advice abt how to continue surviving in the gawd-awful environment.

i was at my tethers and at the rate it was going, either i will punch the ceo and land up in jail for assault - and mrbrown has a catchphrase..."prison got no broadband" - or i insult him and he sues me, which i may still end up in prison cos got no money to pay...and "prison got no broadband".

funny thing was i had a call from his lawyer recently about some matters and he was surprised - and yet not really surprised - that i had walked. he told me that when i am around his office, i shld drop him a line and we'll do a cuppa and reminisce abt things....

so what am i doing now? i am back doing IT with a very trusted friend whom i hv known since my career started in media and he was a media executive - a friendship that has spanned 13 years. i will publish a post on this chap later.

but anyway, i understood the yoke the The Lord was referring to when i finally left the company and i felt a huge shackle being released.

in fact, the funny thing was when i started almost immediately in this venture, elise asked me as i was putting on me shoes

"daddy...you are not going to work today?"
"of course i am dear...i am going to work"
"then how come you are not wearing a white shirt with cufflinks"
i smiled and replied..."cos i am no longer working for the ass of a ceo"
"you mean you are no longer working with XXX"
i said "yes baby... and i am now working with YYY"
"do you prefer daddy to work with XXX or YYY?"
and her reply was emphatic "of course YYY"
"of course you will say YYY cos you have met him.....but you have not met XXX so how can you say YYY is better?"
"i just dun like XXX" replied elise.

ah... the intuition of kids!

there is more to come......

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

15th February 2006

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

today's D-Day! i've finally told the ceo to take the job and put it where the sun dont shine! and man... does it feel good....as william wallace in "braveheart" exclaimed....."FREEDOM!!"

the relationship with the ceo has deteriorated beyond repair and the time has come for the parting of ways.

well... as usual, there was the rant and the rave, about me being a quitter, that i hv left a time bomb in his hands etc etc...

but i think my life - and my family - is far more important than being a cog in his machinery to help him get rich.

i hv learnt that being in this company is akin to being on a roller-coaster....and too long on the roller-coaster will make you sick.

well... i am close to being puking my guts out with green bile so to hell with him and its time to get off the roller-coaster and live a life!

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto

Love Your Children ... Without Counting the Cost

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

i remembered this was something that i wrote to the forum page of the straits times in response to the hoo-hah about the plunging rate of child births in singapore and the ways and means of getting couples to conceive. a lot of noise were made about baby bonuses and and cash incentives from the government to encourage married couples to have children but i just feel that couples who need money to have children are missing the forest for the trees.

the monetary benefits handed out by the government was a very short-term and short-sighted solution as the ultimate motivation for having children is LOVE....and not cash incentives. the money that is handed out - yes i agree that it is helpful as well as it will come in handy - can never replace the sacrifice and love that comes with having a child.

i always tell my friends.....having a kid is easy.... raising them to become God-fearing and good adults are a different thing altogether, especially in this age of media overdose and influence of western culture - wonder what my reply to elise and eliza will be if they use the 2nd amendment against me! mama mia santa lucia!

anyway this was my letter that was published:

A recent estimate put the cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 at US$160,140 for an American middle-income family. That doesn't even include college tuition.

But US$160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into US$8,896.66 a year, US$741.38 a month, or US$171.08 week. Still, you might think the best financial advice would be not to have children if you want to be "rich". However, the truth is just the opposite.

What do you get for the US$160,140? The following is what I read somewhere:

Naming rights. Glimpses of God every day. Giggles under the covers every night. More love than your heart can hold. Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies. A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain. Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For US$160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint, play hide-and-seek, and never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Pooh and watching Saturday-morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars...

For US$160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter...

You get a front-row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first date, and first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and, if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to heal a booboo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

i thank God for elise and eliza everyday.... and i always remind myself to always tell them that i love them very much to the depths of my soul....

but i also tell elise that God loves her more than i can ever do, and Jesus will be with her all the days of her life long after i am gone. and she understands that...especially we have very open sharings about life, people and death.

somehow the happiest children i know comes from families that we in singapore would term middle-income.....maybe this paradox about money and happiness is what God have been trying to tell us as parents and adults? that money can NEVER replace the time spent and the love that we shower on our children?

children are gifts from God - treasure them; embrace them; nurture them and consecrate them amen

in nomine patri; et filii; et spiritui sancto amen

Happy Birthday Eliza!

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen

today is the big day for eliza and i didnt give a donkey's ass to the ceo's mantra about "staying back to work late so that you can be different yada yada yada....". this is a once-a-year celebration and if i miss celebrating eliza's 3rd birthday, that's it! finito! zilch! no way can i turn back the clock and say can we do that again! i'd have to wait 365 days for the next one.... and even then, it will be a year different!

that is why i promise myself early on in fatherhood that i will go through hell and high water to celebrate elise and eliza's birthday! so.....once the time came to knock off from work, i wanted to scoot off but my wonderful ceo has a knack for asking for things at 6pm onwards so i scrambled to give it to him and scooted off at 8+ to rush to my in-laws and whilst in the car, told mommy to hang on to the cake cutting until i reach home....

i think a lot of motorists were staying out of the way of a toyota picnic tonight!...hehe

reached home, wolfed down dinner and.....

here are elise and eliza just before the adults broke into a raucous "happy birthday" song.....

we just finished singing "happy birthday" and elise and eliza scrambling to see who could blow out the candles....

and now....let's tuck in! eliza as you can see insisted on cutting the cake and distributing it but mommy and mother-in-law screamed "NOOOO!" ..... hilarious!





i wouldn't miss this "action" for the world man!

Lord, i thank You for Your continued blessings and protection of eliza. i ask that You may continue to watch over her and grant her the exuberance plus convivial and mirthsome self so that she can run riot over me anytime, anywhere. cos i know that in every situation that eliza puts me under or i may face with her, You oh Lord, are teaching me Your wisdom and love .....amen!

in nomine patri, et filii, et spiritui sancto amen